I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
