Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We don't watch enough power rangers
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
