it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
