Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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