These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
