if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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