At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
