If i come over, it means nothing
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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