Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just blew my weed a kiss
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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