He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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