real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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