I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
