I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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