a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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