I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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