If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
