I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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