i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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