I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
