If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
