Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at about main and main street
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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