The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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