You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
