The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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