My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
