I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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