Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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