i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
