so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
