Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
