If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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