I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
