I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
