i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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