i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
