I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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