Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
