My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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