Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.