Where is the hickey?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.