Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
