I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
