On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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