So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
