I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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