Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So vagazzling was a success
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
