let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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