considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
