Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
