all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
