Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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