I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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