Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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