I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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