i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
