At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
