dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
