You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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